I May Hate Myself
by Kirunavaara
Summary: Takes place during 2x11 Need to Know. Stacy's thoughts after House tells her that she loves him more than Mark. One-shot.


Disclaimer: quote belongs to David Shore, as well as House and Stacy, lyrics are from Lee Ann Womack's song "I May Hate Myself in the Morning" I don't own anything except the idea. Seriously, if I did would I even think about what job to take after I finished school?

**I May Hate Myself**

_"I love Mark." - "You love me more."_

_(2x11 Need to Know)_

With one simple sentence, he had her. For so long, weeks and weeks, she had tried her best to resist him, had turned him down whenever he tried to get to her. Even after everything that had happened in Baltimore (or would've happened if his team hadn't called in time) she had still been destined to stop it. She kept telling herself that she did not want anything to happen, that she loved Mark, that she didn't want to destroy her marriage. But then he said that stupid simple little sentence and swept away everything, all her doubts, everything that held her back. It seemed to her as if he'd actually managed to shut down her mind.

_Everyone has known someone that they can't help but want_

_Even though we just can't make it work out_

_Well, the want to lingers on._

Of course he had been right about her, how could it be any different? He was always right. She loved him more than Mark. She loved him and she was fully aware that it was a desperate situation, a game none of them could possibly win, because she knew, _she knew_, that they could never ever work out again. They had a past after all, too much of a past to be honest. But when he said those for little word, she followed him anyway, almost trance-like. He grabbed her hand down there in the parking lot as soon as they had left the building, not caring about who might see them, and as she stumbled after him she suddenly felt like some teenager running after their first love.

She was sitting shotgun now and spent most of the time staring out of the window. Every once in a while, she threw shy glances at the man sitting next to her. She briefly wondered, what she was getting herself into. Somewhere in the back of her mind, a voice kept whispering that this was a terrible mistake, something she was going to regret for quite a while. The very same voice reminded her of her husband and told her about all the reasons why she had left Greg five years ago. She should have been horrified about the other voice that suddenly joined the first one and kept screaming something like "To hell with Mark!" She wasn't supposed to think this about her husband, not at all. But part of her couldn't help but agree. After all, wasn't he trying his best to shut her out of his life? Damn, she was feeling so lonely lately. Nevertheless... She shook her head forcefully and tried to forget about all of this. She desperately needed distraction, so turned on the radio and chose the very first station she could find.

_It know it's wrong_

_But it ain't easy moving on_

_So why can't two friends_

_Remember good times once again?_

The lyrics caught her attention immediately. But that didn't make it any better. They just kept her mind, the one she thought she had lost forever only half an hour ago, busy. Way too busy for her liking.

Stacy was startled when the car stopped in front of House' apartment. When she looked up, he had already gotten out to hold her door, just like a real gentleman would do. She looked at him while she got out of the car hesitantly and noticed the sparkle in his eyes. It was amazing how warm they could be, how warm they were now, the same eyes that looked so cold and dismissive at times. She remembered the time after the infarction when one look of him had been enough to make her feel completely unwanted. But right now, she couldn't see anything but tenderness and affection in their blue depths. Just like in the beginning, shortly after they met for the first time. Her heart jumped and all her concerns were forgotten once again, swept away.

She followed him inside and they started kissing the second the door closed behind them. The very moment she was busy unbuttoning his shirt and his hands were searching for the clasp of her bra beneath her blouse, the last line of the song she had just heard came to her mind suddenly.

_I may hate myself in the morning but I'm gonna love you tonight._

Stacy chuckled. Life definitely had a weird sense of humor sometimes. "What?" he demanded, his lips still on hers. She simply shook her hand and dragged him after her into the bedroom. Into the bed that she hadn't seen for five years. "To hell with tomorrow!" she thought while they slowly undressed each other. Who cared about tomorrow? Well, she didn't. At least, she didn't right now. Right now, this one night was all that mattered to her.

_I may hate myself in the morning but I'm gonna love you tonight..._

_

* * *

_

AN: Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
